Candy is evil?

Well hello there, everybody. I have a bone to pick with all of you. The word "evil" has been thrown around a lot in recent years, but today's superfluous use of it is the worst one yet.

Calling advertisements for candy and soda "evil" is an insult to Evil Ones everywhere, and I won't hear it. What is television for if not pandering? Kids aren't turning on the television to be reminded to eat their veggies. That'd be like sitting down to watch King of Queens and seeing ads telling you to go back to work. Television is for escaping.

I remember when my pappy tried to get me to learn mathematics by using a CD-ROM with cute little cartoon characters on it. He thought that since I liked Bugs Bunny, that I'd listen to anything a hand-drawn woodland creature would tell me. Even as a child, I was embarrassed for my father's effort. He just didn't understand, as I did, that cartoons are meant to be subversive, not tools of the establishment, man.

So get off your high horses about "evil" advertisements, people. We have news reports about gold-digging drug addicts committing suicide, pop stars shaving their heads and calling themselves the Antichrist (another offense to my kind), and slow-witted boy scouts getting lost in the woods. Candy ads are the least of your troubles. Good day.

Liggett Real Estate, this is Travis!

Hi everybody! Boy, getting used to a new office is tough work. There are so many practices and procedures and protocols to memorize, it can really make your head go a-spinnin'! People need to know about EVERYTHING ya do, so you gotta write down every file that comes in and goes out! It's like a big ol' machine here, that's for sure.

Here, I'll give you one tip for free: you gotta be extra careful about shreddin' stuff. Folks are touchy about that sort of thing, let me tell ya!

There's a lady that I work with. She's kinda scary. She has big eyes and lips, and she has a triangular face that kinda makes her look like a toad. She's older than me and she's been working here for a long time. Now I don't know what's goin' on, but I just can't seem to do anything right when I'm around her. I feel like she's always watching me, and I keep losing track of the papers I'm supposed to be sorting. Just yesterday I lost a very important packet that she insists that she gave me. Oh, I hope I don't get in trouble for this!

Right now I'm just making some copies of things...making sure that there's a happy stock of everything in my cubbies there. I don't know what it is exactly, but there's something satisfyin' about having everything full and replenished. It's like you're standing on top of those huge stacks of paper and just a-lookin' down on the world. I love it when I feel on top of things. It's just too bad that that hardly ever happens.

Well, I gotta get back to work before Mrs. Toad Lady sees me typing something I'm not supposed ta be! Gotta go, have a good day, bye bye!

Oops. Teeth.

From an artistic standpoint, I have very interesting teeth. Their shapes vary almost as much as the structures of a cave do. Some of them are jagged, others are rounded. They crowd and overlap each other in eye-catching, organic ways. I could base a drawing of a mountain range on their near-fractal construction. They also feel neat. The unique ridges they create are pleasant to touch or run my tongue over. For this, I like them.

However, like most works of art, my teeth may not necessarily be considered "beautiful." Not by all, anyway. They are too big for my mouth, really, so they bunch up at the front. My upper incisors are shoved together like two angry roommates, so they're tilted outwards. Should I ever be punched in the mouth, my assailant will likely cut his hand deeply on their sharp edges.

My teeth are also yellow. Sickly yellow. I've recently cottoned on to those Rembrandt whitening strips, and my teeth are responding by turning a slightly lighter shade of sickly yellow, but I think it will take a lengthy amount of treatment before I can dub them "pearly."

I'm thinking of saving up a bit and getting braces soon. It's difficult to imagine what my teeth will look like when they're lined up properly. I think about how I'll see a different person when I look in the mirror. I think I might even miss that lumpy topography my teeth once boasted. Without it, I just won't be Daniel anymore.

They say that being happy with who you are doesn't cost a thing. Well, I say that hoarding porno is a lot more expensive than having sex with a chick who digs your style, and braces are a one-time charge.

Braces it is. On to Daniel 2.0!

HULLAO!

Daniel here.

My goodness, the web grew up and left me behind. I don't intend to keep this rather bland template for this blog, but I don't know the first thing about CSS coding. Looks like I'm going to have to crack some books if this site is going to look the way I want it to.

There are many things that I want to include here. I want to put links to my Flash, my artwork, and my music, and maybe even my fiction. I'd like to open up authorship to some of my friends and voice actors from Evil Land. I might even add some details on the REAL Daniel & Tanya. I don't want to turn it into some glorious, narcissistic portfolio. I'd like it to be a site where people can learn more about my characters.

My characters mean a lot to me, which is why you might be hearing from some of them now and then. I very much value their opinions. Please enjoy the insights they allow into their worlds and minds!

I'm having an identity crisis

Hmm. I'm really not sure about what tone to take here. Am I the over-strained bloodletter, or am I the megalomaniacal, androgynous rebel? Or am I the wise but softspoken punk drummer? Whatever I am, allow me to welcome you to Daniel's Division of Driftwood, which will eventually blossom in unexpected directions and discuss many lovely topics. Enjoy your stay, and don't mind ol' Lord Evil...he's really a big softie. Ta-ta.

Well, hello there.

I promised Daniel that I'd toss in an occasional word or two here - not that any of you measly humans deserve to read the things I type - but don't go thinking I've gone soft and friendly. I'm only doing it because the two of us happen to share the same name. That's all. We Daniels have to stick together. There are lots of Ballenas in the world....

Hello there!

Hi everybody! This whole blogging thing is kinda new to me, so please bear with me as I get things up and running. Daniel wanted me to make sure I made you feel welcome, so come on in! And...well, enjoy yourselves! Grab a Pepsi or something so you can drink while you read! Sounds pretty good. Anyway, this here is really just a test post, so it's not all that important. If it works, though, I'm gonna dance! Yeeha!