We Have Commercial Sign

Have you ever seen those poor working stiffs on street corners who have been tasked by their employers with waving broad, cumbersome signs to oncoming traffic? They're all over the place where I live. They shake and shimmy about, braving the cruelty of the elements, hawking five-dollar pizzas and newly-opened residential subdivisions. I have always felt sorry for these people, who are heartlessly forced to depressing indignity by the corporate calculation that live signs cost less than fixed ones.

It seems that there are some folks who don't much mind this sort of dehumanization, though. Well, to be plain, they aren't actual "folks," per se. They're actors hired by large companies to portray ordinary consumer schmoes who are "expressing themselves" by silently holding up signs in stylish advertisements. They usually give a coy, private smile while they do it, as though they're revealing to us some small but significant desire.

I wish that I understood what this image is supposed to mean. Not being a photographer, and lacking any formal education about modern art, I accept that I am poorly qualified to make an opinion about these campaigns. I'm willing to trust my guts, though, when they twist and clench in response to the sight of these sickening sign-holders, as legitimate detectors of pretentious bullshit that needs to stop.

When these creepy, mute actors aren't flashing sheepish grins, they're masked with brazen, proud expressions, as though the slat in their hands is some faux-impressionist painting they just finished in art class. I don't get it; what exactly do these people have to be proud of? That they're being paid to carry giant fortune cookie contents? As though these advertising bastards really think they're in touch with the mindset of the "common man." Yeah, here's what these advertising dicks think of you, Mr. and Mrs. Sixpack: you're just another venue for extolling frivolous pharmaceuticals and hokey environmentally-conscious vehicles. So long as the price is right, you won't even care if your actual thoughts are heard, you'll hold that strip of paperboard and smile like you really believe in whatever is painted on it in post-production. I may be just some boring, misanthropic slob, but I'd much prefer to turn that fucking music down what's drowning me out, split that board over my knee, and start yelling about what I demand from these cheapass, money-grubbing corporations. Sure, nobody wants to see a commercial with people yelling, but that doesn't stop your local car dealership from making them, now does it?

It's clear that someone, somewhere out there in the absinthe-sucking art world still finds this saps-holding-signs theme aesthetically appealing. Me, I found it annoying way back in 1986, when INXS did it in their music video for Mediate. I can live with that instance, though, because that was a cry for peace and tolerance; these are just bored directors and unimaginative ad execs who think that the dramatic value of slow-motion and the cost-effective lack of speech will work to suck away a little more of your money. Don't buy into it, people. These frozen fuckers you see holding up meticulously planned phrases on television are not your watchful brethren. These are paid shills with opinions thrust upon them, mouthpieces who are in no better position than those wretched souls who haul sandwich boards in the rain, as they try to make peace with those hours they've spent as walking billboards that they can never get back.